First post! First Post! I finally had a little free time to actually start this blog, only because I'm sick in bed, boooo. I'm pretty new to this whole blogging thing, its kinda weird. I dont even know if you people care about what I'm doing with my life haha. Anyway here's a little update.
I plan on competing in my first ever bikini competition on February 22, 2014. Its a pretty small competition that's 2 hours away from my home town, but I figure its a good place to start. My prep starts December 1st, which is going to take major discipline since i'll be dieting during the holiday season. This gives me about 12 weeks to get a body worthy of hitting a stage. 12 weeks seems like a bit much, especially because of where my body is at right now, but since I've struggled with an eating disorder for 6 years, I figure that I should make my prep slow and steady so it doesn't push me back into my bad habits. I'm really excited to start looking for a competition suit and learning how to walk and pose!
A lot of people don't understand why I want to do this, well let me explain. When you've gone through 4 years of starving yourself and then 2 years of throwing up almost every meal it takes a toll on your mental state of mind. I had no self esteem and felt worthless. When I think back to those dark days i think about how much self control i had to starve myself. I guess you could argue that starving yourself doesn't really exhibit self control, but when your stomach is practically eating itself and there's a plate of food sitting in front of you, it takes everything to make yourself not eat. Now that I am in recovery I think back to that self control and think, instead of using that will power to harm myself, why don't i use it to turn my body into something that is strong, fit, and beautiful! god, I am so lame, anywayssss, a lot of people tell me that I cant do it because "you like food too much," "your boobs aren't big enough, " "you don't have the discipline," or "someone with your mental history shouldn't put themselves through that." They think I should just drop this stupid idea of being a competitor, and move on. I plan on proving to everyone that I can do it, but most importantly I want to prove it to myself.
okay, im done being so cliche.
Until next time xoxo.
